Can't put a finger on it...?

Yes, in my drugged state of taking at least 4 Panadol Cold Pills (which do not work by the way...) a song/poem/paragraphs full of rubbish have surfaced... Like finding a non-toxicated fish in the Singapore River...

Deluded into your dangerous comfort,
into your bed of lies...
tied down by your empty promises
and stimulated by fantasies
that will never be...

I've tread down that path before
I know I should ignore all that sweet nothings
whispers of a simple life come from a complicated source
I wish that i could be a simple source...

You're like a nightmare that revealed all my dark secrets.
You're also like a dream where secrets are implored.
You're like a vampire in the night that comes and takes me...
away from petty troubles but leave me lifeless and dead.

Playing with fire has never been part of my plan..
But lately I have thrown away the map to life
the worried smiles,
the faded laughter,
the contented sigh,
realisation after
I make you leave.

i don't really know if its goin out to anyone in particular~

Hey all~

its been a really busy period for me since last quarter of last year... Hence not much time to update my blog or even chat on MSN (ah... the good ole days of having NO MSN)

Thursdays usually mean DOuble O, no matter what~ But now, I've been really taking time off clubbing... No time, Saving Money, Can't afford to go school late and all that... BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? It feels good! I really appreciate other things more like, spending more time at home.. okay, yar, 90% of the time typing furiously in front of the comp... I also realised I have more energy to focus on other things that I've been neglecting... My Best Friend, my Mi, my Nicky... My classmates are (hopefully) loving the more available Me.. coz i've been taking time off work as well. Maybe I've been striking the right balance... sometimes balance isn't about Half & Half... Its like the food pyramid where you're supposed to have proportionate amounts of food groups.

So the tip of my life pyramid would be -
ME TIME, clubbing, shopping, chilling & basically activities involving the expenditure of cash

followed by -
Studying like hell & doing projs for the final leg of the polytechnic race

followed by -
spending time with family, Also, personal Me Time to read in my rocking chair, pamper myself with my secret indulgences

followed by the largest group of all -
spending time with my family! visiting my mom and trying to make conversation with my gdpa...

Its like putting on the right glasses and clarity ensues!
I've learnt which are more impt than others and also to not waste time on fruitless things & people that mean nothing to your very valuable future..
Yes, if something bad happens, take some time to go thru the grief process then pick yourself up and move on...

I'm a very happy person indeed...

Okay, I have 5 mins more to actually sleep BEFORE 12 midnite for the first time in god knows how long...

happy chinese new year everyone...

smile like you mean it!

Rule No. 1: You come first.
You have to love yourself and respect yourself before you know how to love and respect others. Only when you value your traits and understand your vulnerabilities will you appreciate how others view you as how you view yourself.

Rule No.2: Listen dammit...
Its like comprehension and literature.. every word has a meaning, every gesture, facial expression and tone carries a message. Listen with your heart but dont' assume. When in doubt, ask... At least it shows that you are listening

Rule No. 3: Look to Future but Never Forget the Past
As much as people say "Don't look back!", how could you? You are what you are today because of what happened in the past. At the same time, don't dwell too much on what has happened and focus more on the future, how to make things better, how to not let (bad) history repeat itself and realise that everything is a continuous entity...

Rule No. 4: Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say
Don't lie, don't cover, don't smother your words with vain attempts of subtlety and expect people to understand you. Just speak your mind.

Rule No. 5: Pick Up After Yourself
Never expect others to clear up your own mess and stop moping like a cry baby at the mess you made. You pick it up yourself and stop wallowing in self pity

Rule No. 6: Don't Take Things For Granted
The ones you love now may be gone someday... appreciate and love them as if its your last chance to. Never take what they've done for you as something mandatory. Every little gesture, no matter how repeatedly done, is their little token of love for you. To not acknowledge and appreciate it is just like throwing it back in their face.

Rule No. 7: Be Patient With Yourself
Sometimes things may not go your way. Tough luck! Try to be patient and wait for things to get into the momento. Aggravation will never speed up processes, it just complicates matters.

Rule No. 8: Smile, Hug, Kiss and Maintain Eye Contact ALOT
Just doing that will make you and your loved one feel good.

Well, not exactly Kirsten Dunst but more like the character she portrayed in Elizabeth Town - Claire. When I probed further to find out exactly why he felt I was like Claire, he stated these reasons:

- she's quirky
- she likes to talk on the phone for hours about anything & everything
- she doesn't care what people say
- she does nice things for people
- she likes being alone but always appears out of nowhere
and most importantly
- she doesn't mind that Orlando Bloom was a failure, to quote:
"You think I care about that? You think I care that you're a failure? So you failed! You failed, you failed,you failed,you failed,you failed,you failed,you failed,you failed,you failed,you failed,you failed,you failed,you failed,you failed,you failed,you failed,you failed!" all in a nonchalent tone. and then Orlando Bloom tells her to shut up or something.

Well, I have to say I agree with josh about that resemblance but i think Claire is crazy. But then again, I think I'm somewhat crazy too. I rest my case...

I just wish josh could be like Orlando Bloom. I mean, the character he played - he tried so hard, he failed and he got back on his feet, he took responsibility of his family and no matter what, he had a smile on his face and always said 'I'm fine.'

Well... I think that J still hasn't grasped the meaning of taking responsibility or mastered the art of really being fine no matter wat. In fact, he hasn't even failed anything yet. I don't need you to be successful in commercial terms (what? getting the 5Cs? or is it 6 now?) I just want you to live life as you deem it should be lived and never stop trying. I feel, He's led such a charmed life. Well, there is that issue of his academic qualifications that he's so upset about or worried that I'd mind. I don't care even if you've never gone to primary school. As long as your heart is beating with passion and fervour for the things you stand for-and then u gotta have something to stand for in the first place which could be anything noble like 'i wanna give my family a good life and take care of them' or 'no matter what i do, i wanna incorporate my passion for ______(fill in the blank)' or 'i just wanna live and be happy'. As vague as those notions may be, they are simply a guideline and principle for how one leads their life.

Whats mine?

'Everything happens for a reason. It should only be a good reason.'

PS: Elizabethtown is a beautiful movie... gorgeous in its essence and thoughtful in its own right. just visit the webbie: www.elizabethtown.com

Yes, R&R – Rain and Reflection. A much needed activity to be conducted on a 20 minute journey from one home to another.

My realisation is that:
I'm running from one problem to another?
You know what my life is like?

I come home to a room full of cupboards, a mix of vintage and new. Half of the things stored inside aren’t mine and everytime I lie in bed and look around, I feel like I’m going to be caved in. Maybe that explains the never ending bad dreams I keep having. Its bad chi or something – clutter is always bad especially when you’re living in it.

My alternative refuge is J’s home. Where his room is also a storage area for laundry! Piles of clothes for a lovely family of 5 stacked on his bed every single time. I’m not referring to 5 in a pile, I’m talking about piles as high as my chest level. So before and after we make the bed, the clothes are an issue that we literally leave aside.

So, who am I kidding? Alternative refuge? More like 2nd place for disaster!

I’ve started cleaning out my closets, taking out the old stuff and killing all the silverfish that probably stay in my room more than I have. Stored MY OWN THINGS in the cupboards and I feel like I can breathe a lil easier already. Mmm… nothing like a more spacious room with the clutter behind closed doors.

I mean all this literally and metaphorically...